The Poison of Resentment in Relationships

By Margo Dye

We all know that Humility is one of the indispensable principles of happy relationships, and I think I am beginning to finally learn it, but not without a price. I am discovering that true humility goes far beyond simple tolerance and has nothing to do with self-righteousness.

My dear daughter-in-law is so much like me in many ways, but with many improvements that I admire and am still striving for. Recently we had an unspoken struggle of a direction we were both going, but wanting it to be on our own terms.

I love her and wanted things to be right and OK between us again, but found that pride and issues that I was slow to admit were getting in the way. The selfishness and immaturity I chose into made the decision of going to her to talk about things a slow and arduous process.

This time of pride and its accompanying misery was grueling; I wanted the pain to end but was unwilling to let it go and admit I was wrong in wanting things my way.

The time I spent in my selfish frame of mind was so draining. I was finally able to take my accountability in the misunderstanding with my daughter-in-law and am grateful that she was willing to accept my apology.

I've heard that resentment and carrying a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. I can verify from experience that it is true.

A few words from a popular song by John Mayer stand out to me: "We're Waiting on the World to Change."

I feel I could wait forever, and maybe I would die waiting for others to change to suit me. I am finding that it's me that continues to need the changing and refining.

And that is a liberating discovery!

To read a longer version of this article go to the LIFE Marriage Retreats blog.