“So Let It Be Written; So Let It Be Done

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Those of you of a certain age might remember the epic movie “The Ten Commandments” in which Yul Brynner plays the part of the Pharaoh of Egypt. The Pharaoh had a custom when setting a new policy or law to state with due gravity, “So let it be written; so let it be done.” This meant that negotiations and considerations were over and woe to anyone who did not obey the edict or deliver on their commitments. Writing our Marriage Commitments

For many years after that movie it was common to hear a teacher or meeting facilitator say, somewhat jokingly as an instruction was given or a decision reached, “So let it be written; so let it be done.” That was the signal for everyone to be on the same page and get to work on bringing the desired outcome to fruition.

During our Marriage Retreats our couples deal with the most important issues, challenges, and opportunities facing them and their families. They are thrilled as they build a solid base in their relationship then use the principles and skills they have learned to communicate effectively and find resolution to problems and set a new vision for their future.

After every successful discussion the couple is deeply relieved to have succeeded and somewhat giddy in their happiness. But we always gently bring them back to the task and ask them to:

1.    Clearly state the commitments they have made to one another.

2.     Repeat back what their partner has said so they both know they “get it.”

3.     Write the commitments down in their journal and read them to one another to make certain what is written is clearly understood by both partners.

In other words, the final step in a crucial conversation aimed at solving a problem or making a plan is represented in the Pharaoh’s ancient edict: “So Let It Be Written—So Let It Be Done.”

Try this as part of your problem solving processes and you will find that the follow-through of you and your partner delivering on your commitments on time and on task will increase; and you will find yourself with fewer of those relationship and life “weeds” that otherwise seem to just keep growing back time after time.

Have You Become Obsolete?

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We were working with a couple from an Eastern state some years ago and the husband, whom I will call Rick, and I were standing outside on the deck overlooking the Pacific Ocean. Rick was thinking out loud, wondering how the downward spiral of his marriage relationship had started.

 

I looked at him and said, “Now Rick, do you really want to know the answer to that, because it might be painful to hear.” He paused but bravely answered, “Well, if I’m going to do anything about it, I guess I better know the truth.”

So I told him: “You allowed yourself to become obsolete as a husband.”  Obsolete Marriage Relationship

 

The word “Obsolete” can cut deeply into a person’s psyche and self-image. At work the last thing we want to be called is obsolete, because the unemployment line can’t be far off if that is how we are evaluated.

Just as a technology specialist can quickly become out of date if he or she does not keep up with new technologies, processes, and systems, a marriage partner can also become obsolete and out of touch in their relationship. You might call it the Dodo bird syndrome.

Perhaps you can relate to some of these patterns that bleed the life out of a marriage:

  • Sometimes we don’t go to the trouble to find out what pleases our spouse and we coast on past good times.
  • Often we don’t put forth the effort to grow as a communicator.
  • We stop putting effort into creating special moments together through romance, dates, and moments of happy spontaneity.
  • We damage trust and don’t know how to reestablish it.
  • We don’t learn new skills that might help us to better manage our health, households and finances.
  • We slip in our roles as parent, provider, or home manager because we don’t develop the skills or spend the requisite time.
  • We stop growing toward that goal of a more refined human being.

Never make the mistake of believing that “natural ability” and being with your perfect “soul mate” will exempt you of the need to continue developing new insights, abilities, and talents that will translate to an ever growing and vibrant marriage relationship. It takes time and it takes effort. But it is time and effort that brings an infinitely joyful return on investment.

Many couples have found that the best step they have taken out of obsolescence and back into relationship relevance and fulfillment is a LIFE Marriage Retreat. It’s time to begin sharpening your saw as a part of a sacred relationship. If you can’t join us at a Retreat now, begin putting some additional effort into growing in your roles through observing your partner and what pleases them; reading the right relationship books (we suggest John Gottman as a good place to start), and just spending the time and focus on what really matters.

I am pleased to say that Rick, through dedication and effort, turned himself back into a relevant and beloved husband and father.

Obsolete is an ugly word. Don’t find yourself in such a painful place.